Sunday’s Post Today or All Things in Good Time.

When I’m walking in the park I find that is a good time for reflection. Mostly, I ask myself why am I out here walking? What I find interesting is the tricks my mind will play on me. I have mentioned the hill that was a challenge to me when I first started the Piedmont Morning Walk. In the beginning I found that sucker was something that I didn’t look forward too. On top of it being pretty steep it came at the end of the park walk. So when I confronted the hill I had already put in my time and was way past warm up. I was looking on the downside of the walk but it was straight up to the finish.

By now the hill is not a real problem. Yes, it is still a bit of a challenge but nothing compared to what it was when I started scaling this puppy. Therefore one would think that as I stagger around the park it wouldn’t be on my mind. The truth of the matter is that each morning I think that perhaps today I’ll go a different way so I won’t have to confront this disperser of pain. I think that I should look at paths that would be a little less vigorous. I start fixating on this object about halfway through the walk.

Okay, its not like it’s the only thing on my mind, but it is there. It hovers in the back like some vulture just waiting for the final betrayal of my cardiovascular system. As I get closer it gets higher and steeper until it seems like one of the smaller foothills in the Canadian Rockies. By this time I have talked myself into a state of panic at the thought of fainting halfway up and being at the mercy of someone, from one of the park’s heterogeneous fellowships, who might consider mouth-to-mouth resuscitation as some kind of first date.

By the time I have convinced myself that this morning I should try a different path, I am at the bottom and have placed my foot on the first step to the top. After all this self-imposed grief, I scurry right to the summit without gasping for breath. Off I go saying to myself, “well, that wasn’t so bad.” I never think about it again until the next morning about halfway through my walk when I go through the same ritual all over again.

What is it that puts me through this, I wonder? I’m not really a stupid person; I think I’m capable of learning. Good habits are easy to lose, but bad habits will hang on forever. Even when you are working hard to build something new and valuable and break out of old destructive behavior your mind does everything possible to sabotage the process. It reminds me a lot of my last marriage.

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